What Happens in an IFS Session? (And Why?)
So, you’ve heard about Internal Family Systems (IFS) being one of the most effective therapy modalities for addressing the impact of trauma (thank you, Bessel van der Kolk, for letting us know in The Body Keeps the Score). But what is involved with actually DOING IFS in a therapy session? And what does "internal family systems" mean anyway?
What is the "Internal Family" in IFS?
It means that the human mind isn't one singular thing. Rather, it's a "system" of different parts—kind of like a family living under one roof. Some are loud, some are shy, and some are just trying to keep the peace.
In a session, we go through a series of steps to identify which parts are active, what they need to feel supported, and then—most importantly—how to move your nervous system into a state of rest and repair.
The Body is the Map: Somatic Awareness
An IFS session often looks like me, your therapist or coach, asking you questions and giving suggestions to help you become aware of sensations and emotions in your body. These sensations are the signals—the direct lines of communication indicating that a part of you needs attention.
Once we identify a part, I’ll guide you to notice how you are feeling toward it. If you feel anything other than curiosity or openness, it means other "Protector" parts are active. We gently ask those parts to step aside so your Centered Self can lead.
The "Inner Parent" and the Centered Self
Dick Schwartz, the originator of IFS, says the Self isn’t just another part. It is the rightful leader of your system. I like to think of the Centered Self as your Inner Parent. This is the version of you that has the capacity to provide the nonjudgmental listening and nurturing your other parts need in order to move from a distressed, defensive state to a soothed, relaxed one.
The Power of Consent and Dialogue
Once the other parts have stepped aside, I guide you to ask the active part if it is willing to have a conversation with your Centered Self. We do not move forward until that consent is given. This allows the parts to learn that they can truly trust the Centered Self to value and listen to them. When the part is willing to trust and be seen and heard, I facilitate a dialogue between you (your Centered Self) and the part. You might close your eyes and imagine there is both a "you" that is talking to this part and a "you" that is feeling the impact of releasing that part's burdens. In this space, the part finally has someone to tell about what they are afraid might happen if they stopped doing their job. As they receive your appreciation and witnessing, the internal war begins to end.
Healing the Nervous System: Moving Out of Fight-or-Flight
Many of us had stressful experiences as children that left us in a "fight-or-flight" (sympathetic) nervous system state. As children, we required co-regulation from an adult to move back into a "rest-and-digest" (parasympathetic) state where growth and repair happen.
When that soothing adult wasn't available, we developed Protector Parts to prevent the system from being overwhelmed. While they are heroic, their methods can become extreme—leading to chronic people-pleasing, emotional shutting down, or internal conflict.
In our sessions, we focus on deep anxiety relief. We don’t just talk; we also learn practical techniques for stimulating the Vagus Nerve—the main nerve responsible for triggering that "rest and digest" state. By learning how to tone the Vagus Nerve, we give your body the physical safety it needs to allow your anxiety-driven protectors to finally stand down.
The Ability to Co-Regulate Your Own System
The beauty of doing this work as an adult is that you now have an adult body and a Centered Self. You can now offer the co-regulation to your own parts that you didn't receive as a child. In our sessions, we work together to move these parts from being stuck in a fight-or-flight response to being soothed, calmed, and finally able to release their emotional burdens and extreme counterproductive defense mechanisms.
Let’s Connect
If you’re ready to move from a state of chronic stress to one of rest and repair, I’d love to guide you. Reach out for a free 15-minute consultation to explore how we can help your Centered Self provide the support your system has been waiting for. No pressure—just a space for any questions that came up for you today.
