What is IFS, and Why Does Your Therapist (or Coach) Love It?
If you have spent any time in the world of healing lately, you’ve likely heard of Internal Family Systems (IFS). Even world-renowned trauma experts like Bessel van der Kolk name it as one of the most effective ways to heal our internal systems and repair our attachment to ourselves.
But what actually is it, and why am I so inspired by it?
We Are All "Multiple"
In the IFS world, we believe the mind is made up of different "parts"—kind of like an internal family or a garden. Have you ever felt like a part of you is ready to take a big leap, while another part is terrified and wants to hold you back? That’s not a flaw; it’s a system.
The Flower Metaphor: Even the Weeds are Welcome
I like to look at these parts of us like flowers in a garden.
In a traditional garden, we’re taught to pull the weeds and throw them away. But in the landscape of your internal world, even what we see as a "weed" is welcome here. Often, a "weed" is simply a part of us that has had to grow aggressively to protect the rest of the garden. Maybe it’s a "thistle" of anger or a "bramble" of anxiety.
Our goal in IFS isn't to "clear the land"—it’s to increase your awareness of your power and skill as the Gardener.
The Gardener’s Toolkit
As you step into your "Self-leadership," you become the one capable of providing exactly what each part needs to stop competing for survival and finally relax into their proper place in the family of things:
The Sunlight of Witnessing: Providing the non-judgmental attention your oldest fears need to feel seen.
The Water of Nurturing: Pouring compassion into your system to soften the hard, dry soil of past trauma.
The Soil of Support: Creating a grounded, stable foundation where your roots can finally settle.
The Pruning of Healthy Communication: Creating the space (or "unblending") needed for your parts to stop edging each other out and start working cohesively.
Who is IFS For?
IFS is a somatic, body-oriented approach designed for anyone who feels "wired" or "disconnected," but it is particularly revolutionary for those navigating:
Depression & Hopelessness: For the parts that have "shut down the system" to protect you from further pain.
Chronic Anxiety: For the parts that feel it is never safe to stop scanning for danger.
Chronic Pain: For those who experience fibromyalgia or tension and suspect it’s linked to an "internal struggle."
Self-Destructive Protectors: If you have parts that reach for substances, binging, or other "destructive" behaviors to cope, we don’t exile them. We recognize these "Firefighter" parts are often trying to put out an internal fire the only way they know how. In our work, we offer them a seat at the table and help them learn that they no longer have to burn the house down just to save it.
A Quick Skill for Your Nervous System
Try this today: The next time you feel a big emotion or an urge to do something that you’ll regret, instead of saying "I am anxious" (or depressed, or overwhelmed, for example), try saying:
"A part of me is feeling anxious right now. There is room for it in my system, and I am going to be lovingly here with this part while it is feeling this way, without trying to change it."
Notice the shift. You aren’t trying to "fix" the feeling or get rid of it. You are simply stepping into your role as the Gardener, providing the nurturing pers that your internal landscape is wide enough to hold every blooming part of you.
Let’s Tend Your Garden Together
I am licensed in Oregon and currently accepting new therapy and coaching clients who are ready to move from internal conflict to Self-Leadership. If you are feeling "wired," overwhelmed, or simply ready to understand the parts of you that have been working so hard to keep you safe, I would love to support you.
Warmly,
Kaitlyn “Red” Wilson
IFS Inspired Therapy & Coaching
